Day 279: Treat-o-holics Anonymous

My name is Justin and I am a treat-o-holic. I love treats...cookies, ice cream, brownies, rice crispy treats...it doesn’t really matter, I love them all. When a bag of mini candy bars is open up at home, I just can’t eat one...or two...or even three...I must eat until they are gone. I think it is genetic...or at least I try to convince myself that it is in order lessen the guilt after one of my binges.

As most of you know, in the early days of this deployment, I established my “no treat tracker” to help keep me motivated in my attempt to kick the treat overeating habit. It has never been a very successful measure. I have gone off treats for a few days here or for a few days there. However, I have never mounted a really successful treat free streak.

Several months ago I decided I didn’t really care about kicking the habit. After all, with my consistent, nearly daily exercise routine, my weight was lower than it had been in years and I felt great. I decided to partake of the “forbidden fruit” freely and not even feel guilty about it. So for thirty-six days straight I ate treats...and boy did I eat them. I ate dessert at breakfast. I ate dessert for lunch. And of course, I ate dessert for dinner. Dinner was my favorite because I would usually eat a bowl of ice cream and wash it down with one or two, very tasty, 250 calorie apiece, Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. It was probably the happiest time of my deployment.

So what happened, you ask? Why am I bringing up the no treat tracker now? Well, a few weeks ago I decided that I should re-check my cholesterol. It had been borderline high for several years and I was due for getting it checked again. I felt pretty confident that it would be good given the previously mentioned exercise routine and weight loss. So I went over to the ANA hospital and had them draw my blood. To my shock and horror, the cholesterol was still high. It had improved some. However, it was still high enough that I knew drastic measures were needed. I had two choices. I could either start myself on medication or else I could cut out the treats from my otherwise pretty healthy diet. It took several days to decide. Honestly, at several points in the decision making process I almost went for the easy route and decided to start the medication. However, ultimately I knew, if I ever wanted to look my high cholesterol patients in the eye again with a clear conscience, I needed to do the right thing and cut back on the treats.

So here I am 12 days later. The withdrawal has subsided some. I am not quite as shaky as I was a few days ago. My irritable mood has improved a little. I am surviving. I still get cravings, especially as I walk past the long table full of cookies, cakes and other delicious goodies that are set up for every meal. I miss my ice cream. However, for at least 12 days I can say I have beat the habit. I am a treat addict rehab success story.

Man, I can’t wait for my relapse!

Day 277: The Teacher

Yesterday Sue told me the story of a school teacher. This teacher left his class behind and voluntarily joined the Army. He wanted to serve his country in Iraq. He didn’t have to go. He could have stayed in the safety of his classroom. He could have remained in the loving arms of his wife and children. However, he chose to go. He chose to put the needs of others above his own.

Tragically, this teacher never returned to his classroom. He was killed in action while protecting the freedoms of those he had come to serve. I can not imagine the sorrow and pain of his family. The grief of a wife suddenly left to face this life alone. The tears of children who can’t understand why their father never came home.

Some may ask, “was it worth it?” Was this man’s sacrifice necessary? After all, if he would have just remained in his classroom, he would be home with his family today.

Several times here in Afghanistan, I have stood at attention with my fellow soldiers, as we have honored the life of one who was taken home early. It is difficult to describe the emotions felt in these moments. To see the empty boots that never will be tied again or the soldier’s rifle that will forever remain silent. It is a sobering experience. At times like these, when you are faced with the reality of how quickly life can be taken away, it is easy to again ask the question, “is it worth it?”

Well, today I was reminded of the answer to this question as I watched a young Afghan boy. This child reminded me of my own kids back home. We gave him a rice crispy treat...his eyes lit up...a smile spread over his face...he opened it...he dropped the wrapper on the ground without a second thought (just like my kids would probably do)...and he happily started to eat. To see the joy of this boy was inspirational. His smile was infectious. I watched as he played. He threw rocks at his sister. He threw rocks at us. He ran. He laughed. He chased a mysterious green light that was dancing around him...never suspecting the laughing soldiers who were pointing a laser his way.


At one point I sat down and motioned for him to come sit by me. He smiled and shyly sat down. I put my arm around him. He didn’t try to run. He didn’t wiggle. He just sat there and smiled up at me. I thought of my beautiful children back home and how much I would love to put my arms around them. I thought of my little Ammon...my little baby who has become a little boy while I have been away. I missed him. I hoped this boy had a father at home--someone to hold him, play with him, and teach him about life. I felt gratitude knowing that because of the sacrifices of so many, this boy may have the chance to grow up knowing peace, not war. Someday he will have the chance to watch a boy of his own play freely and laugh, in the innocent and unrestrained way that only a child can.


It is worth it. Life is a gift from a Father who loves us more than we can imagine. Sometimes, He allows the lives of some of His children to be taken in order to bless and save the lives of others. Sometimes He sends a teacher, knowing that he will never return home again, so that little children in a far away land can play and grow in peace. I pray that his family, who has suffered such a devastating loss, will find comfort through the greatest Teacher of all--who has made it possible for them to someday see their father, their husband, and their son again.

Day 273: Buckle Up!

A year or two ago I watched an old family video showing us on vacation in Yellowstone during my early teen years. It was funny to watch as my mom recorded from the front seat what the kids were doing in the back. One of the brothers was lying on the floor. Another was climbing from the front seat of the minivan to the back. No one was wearing a seatbelt or even really staying in their seat.

I contrast this to how my kids travel today. All of them are securely tucked in their age appropriate car seat. No one gets out unless we stop the car for a break or until we reach our final destination. Even though the kids can get a little wiggly at times (as I mentioned in yesterday’s post) they have no choice but to stay fastened in their 5-point, side impact tested, government safety certified car seats.

Honestly I think things have changed for the better since I was a kid. Lives are saved now because people buckle up when they get in their vehicles. Well today I was reminded of how far away Afghanistan is from implementing seat belt laws. As I was over at the ANA base, I noticed a group of trucks getting ready to leave the compound. Now it is not unusual to see one, two, three, or even four guys in the bed of the truck. However, this truck had eight soldiers in the back of one little Ford Ranger. Notice how several of them are already hanging half-way off the back of the truck. One big bump and...ouch...I am sure we will lose two or three of them.

The picture kind of reminds me of what things were like when I was a kid (minus the rifles of course) sitting in the back of a pick-up. My kids will probably never have that experience...unless I bring them on a trip to Afghanistan.

Day 272: Wiggle Worms

I have four little children who I love more than anything in this world. They are smart, beautiful, creative, fun, and just all around AWESOME! However, sometimes they can get a little crazy. One place where they sometimes get a little unruly is in Church. I can think of a few instances (okay maybe “a few” is an understatement) where they have gotten a little rowdy, noisy, or tearful and I have had to escort them out of the chapel. Most of the time it is not a huge deal...after all kids will be kids. However, there have been a few occasions where they have put on quite a show and it has been a little embarrassing. As I have watched the kids grow, I have slowly seen the wiggles lessen, the outbursts decrease, and the “quiet voice” start to replace the “outside voice”. In fact, I’m pretty sure by the time I return home Sue will have them completely trained and Sunday Sacrament Meetings will once again be the peaceful, reverent, quiet experiences they were before we started having children. Sue what do you think?

Well today, like all Friday’s here, was my chance to go to the base chapel and have my Sacrament meeting. For the past month or so the average attendance at the Camp Stone LDS worship service has been exactly one person. Yep, it has just been me sitting in the chapel for the past little while. The guy I normally meet with went home on vacation in January and as far as I can tell hasn’t made it back. He is a civilian contractor so it is possible that he decided not to come back at all.

It actually isn’t that bad meeting alone. In fact in some ways it has been nice to just be there by myself and enjoy the quiet. I am able to read the scriptures, review some Church material and of course take the Sacrament. I think of some of the different Church experiences I have had in my life--from the small congregations in Argentina during my mission, to the cultural diversity we enjoyed in our Capitol Hills branch in D.C., and now to the relative isolation of my Church Service Group in Afghanistan. All have been great experiences. I have learned something from each opportunity. I have met many great people and learned from their examples. In each, I have felt the Spirit and the reassuring love of my Father in Heaven.

So for the next few months, I will enjoy this unique experience and the peace found in the Thomas Chapel at Camp Stone. After all, I know that Church may not be quite as relaxing upon my return back home...right kids?

Day 270: One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

Look at the picture and what do you see? Try to ignore the exceptionally good looking Navy dude in the photo and instead focus on what he is holding. In one hand we have a combat action tourniquet (CAT) and in the other we have a “combat action tourniquet.” Can you tell which is which?

Two days ago I received 300 medical bags for a new training initiative I have scheduled to start soon. When I opened them up I was happy to see that each bag included two tourniquets. What made it even better was that these were not just cheap Afghan tourniquets but rather the same make and model of those we carry in our American medic bags. I was impressed that they were sending us such good stuff.

Well today my joy was replaced with disappointment. I pulled out one of the tourniquets to test it out and in about 10 seconds I realized that although it looked like a CAT tourniquet and felt like a CAT tourniquet and even smelled like a CAT tourniquet...it definitely was not a CAT tourniquet. This imitation was pretty good. They copied it down to nearly every last detail. However, one thing ultimately gave the creator of this imitation away...the tourniquet didn’t work. That’s right, every detail was copied exactly as its model. However, when they went to put it together, they put it together in such a way that it doesn’t work. You would have guessed they might have at least tried it once before sending their forgeries out the door.

Now don’t get me wrong. This is not a really surprising event. Almost everything you can buy at the bazaar here is a knock off of the real thing. You might think you are buying a Sony TV, but you aren’t. Those sunglasses look like Oakley’s, but trust me they only cost $10 for a reason. Those rubies and precious gems they are selling are about as valuable as my girl’s dress up jewelry. That pair of Nike shoes was probably made in China, but not in the real Nike factory. It is pretty interesting to see how deceitful or should we just say creative these vendors can be.

So if anyone needs any very nice looking, although completely useless tourniquets, let me know. In fact if you buy 2 tourniquets now at the extremely low price of $29.99 (plus shipping and handling) I will throw in a free tourniquet at no additional cost. Still not convinced, well then for the next 30 callers I will also send a copy of “Microsoft Office” (guaranteed to contain no fewer than five viruses) absolutely free. You couldn’t ask for a better offer than that.

All joking aside, it is pretty sad that a “company” would send out a a tourniquet that doesn’t actually tighten to the Afghan security forces. In my mind it is almost criminal. Imagine an Afghan police officer, with a life threatening amputation, reaching for the one thing that might save his life, his CAT tourniquet, only to discover as he is bleeding to death that it doesn’t actually work. I’m glad we made our discovery today, before anything bad really could happen.

Day 268: Afghan Prison

Sometimes deployment feels like prison...you can’t go anywhere, you are separated from family and friends, the food is questionable at times, and you are deprived of the comforts of home. Well today I got a double dose of imprisonment. Not only was I in deployment prison, I was also in Afghan police prison. That’s right I got locked up in the police headquarters prison this morning.

The truth is I asked them to lock me up just so I could see what it was like...luckily they let me out. Actually the jail cell wasn’t that bad. In fact, I’m not sure if I was given the choice between the cell and my room back at Camp Stone which I would take. It’s a toss up.

After spending the morning and early afternoon at the police headquarters we drove down to the Italian Provincial Reconstruction Team headquarters. Now these guys definitely aren’t in prison. They live in regular houses and look at the nice soccer field they’ve got. Did I mention I took this picture of them playing around 2PM...you call that a regular work day? Oh well, I’ll try not to be jealous.


Actually, I was very happy to get off of Camp Stone and get downtown. It had been a few weeks and I was getting a little stir crazy. Honestly, just seeing the city and the people today gave me a little hope for Afghanistan’s future. It seemed so normal . The streets were crowded with people coming and going, businesses looked busy, parents were walking hand in hand with their children. The majority of the Afghans are such good people. I hope that they can get out of the “prison” they have been living in for so many years. A prison of war, crime, poverty and death. They definitely deserve it.

Day 266: Happy Valentine's Day

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Happy Valentine’s Day,
To All of You...and Especially Sue!

That’s about the extent of my poetry skills. Anyway, Valentine’s Day was really like any other day here. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even noticed that it was Valentine’s except for the nice blog posting Sue put up.

To Sue and my four little Valentines back home, I hope you have a “lovely” day. Know that I am thinking of you, missing you, and counting the days until I get to see you again. I love you guys! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Day 264: 23 New Medics

Today was the graduation ceremony for our medic course and since it was kind of “my baby”, I was asked to speak. I was the only American to speak and my speech was sandwiched between two Afghan generals--one from the police and one from the army. It was a good experience. We had a great turnout on both the American and Afghan side. A lot of “high profile” people were there and I think all who attended agreed that this was a big step forward and a big success.

Since everyone in attendance today had to suffer and sit through my speech, it is only fair that you should have to do the same. Enjoy...

“Subh bakhair. Che Haldarain. (Welcome and Good Morning)

Today we meet to celebrate a historic event and a historic achievement. Nearly 8 weeks ago, a group of 23 Afghan National Police, Border Police, and Afghan National Army soldiers met together to form the FIRST EVER regional medic training course outside of Kabul. In addition to being the first regional course ever, it was also the FIRST COMBINED army and police medic course in all of Afghanistan. Many said this course would never happen. Many claimed the police and army wouldn’t be able to cooperate and work together. Today, I would like to thank all of you here today who have proven that this course could not only exist but that it could succeed.

Over the past 8 weeks, these 23 students have made dramatic progress and acquired many new skills. They have learned to control life-threatening bleeding. They have learned how to manage an airway. They have learned how to splint wounded extremities. They have learned to properly and safely evacuate a patient. They have learned the basics of anatomy and physiology. They have learned how to treat shock, burns, heat injuries, and place an IV. The training and skills these students have acquired during this course will be a great asset to the ANP and ANA in the future. They will help prevent the spread of disease. They will help save lives.

When I started medical school, I was initially overwhelmed by the amount of things I was asked to learn. It seemed that the topics covered were innumerable and the time available for study was always limited. Slowly I learned the lessons taught to me. Little by little, I gained the experience and knowledge necessary to practice medicine. Today, you students have started on a similar journey. You have learned much. You have acquired many new skills. However, there is still much to learn and many more skills to master. To all of our graduates today I encourage you to continue to learn. Seek out opportunities to practice the skills you have learned. Share your knowledge by teaching your fellow soldiers and police. The effort will be worth it. You have learned skills that will allow you someday to help a fellow soldier in need and perhaps to save a life. Take seriously this responsibility. Prepare now for this moment so that you will be prepared when this time comes.

To the leadership of the ANA, ANP and Border Police, I thank you for your presence today. I would like you to know that your soldiers and your police have performed their duties well. They have learned the skills they have been asked to learn. They have worked hard. Through their efforts they have brought honor to themselves and to the Afghan National Security Forces. I encourage you to use these police and soldiers for the purpose for which they were trained. Allow them to work with the other medical personnel you have on your bases. Give them opportunities to continue to learn.

I would once again like to congratulate our graduates. You have all done an excellent job and should be proud of your hard work and success. It has been an honor for us to work with and associate with you. We wish peace, happiness and health to you and your families. Our greatest hope is that each and every one of you leave this graduation today dedicated to using your newly learned skills to make a difference for yourselves, your family, and your country. We are confident you will.

Tashakor (thank you).”

Anyone still awake? If you didn’t make it to the end, that’s okay, a lot of others today had the same experience!

Day 261: Fortune Cookies

Sometimes my mom puts random things into packages she sends me. I’m not complaining...I’m happy to get them. However, I’ve just noticed that occasionally it seems as if she is trying her best to make sure the box is completely filled--even if she really doesn’t have enough stuff to fill it up. Today, the random object found in the package that arrived was a lone fortune cookie from Panda Express.

Of course I had to open it up...mostly because I wanted to eat the cookie...but also to see what it had to say. When I opened it, my fortune read:

“IMPORTANT EVENTS ARE IN YOUR FUTURE”

I thought this was a pretty good fortune. Not as good as “You will soon become incredibly wealthy” or even better “your tour in Afghanistan has just been decreased to 8 months.” But still it is better than some others I have read in the past.

I think of the events in my life that have led me to where I am now. Some of them have been challenging. Many are a result of choices that I have made--whether good or bad. However, the events of my life have helped shape who I am and have hopefully made me a better, stronger, more Christ-like person.


Now, as I ponder the “important events” that lie in my future, I wonder what life has in store for me and my family. I pray that the majority will be filled with happiness; although I’m sure One wiser than I will throw in a few difficulties to help keep my life in perspective and keep me humble. In the short term, I think of my sweet little Abbie and her eternally important decision to be baptized. Also, I think of my reunion with my wife and beautiful children in August--an event that right now seems as important as any. Down the road there will be new jobs, graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren, etc. (whoa...I better slow down and get my kids out of diapers first before I think too much about these kinds of future events).

What a blessing it is to have this life, and the events that fill it, to help mold us and prepare us to for a life that will bring us eternal peace and happiness.

Day 259: Rocks

If you could guess what the government buys the most of out here, what would you guess? Weapons and ammunition, maybe? How about ice-cream and french fries? Perhaps vehicles and gasoline? All these are good guesses and honestly I’m not sure what the answer is. However, I wouldn’t doubt it if rocks are in the top 10. Gravel is spread out all over this camp. It isn’t just Camp Stone (no pun intended) however that purchases rocks in bulk--every other base I have been to seems to collect them too. These rocks do serve a purpose, especially after it rains, helping keep mud and dust under control. However, there are also downsides to covering every square inch of earth on camp with rocks. Ankles have been known to become twisted walking on them and more than one person has tripped on one of these things during a midnight journey in the dark to the bathroom.


Now and again, we all take turns escorting local nationals onto the base as they perform various work projects or deliver items that we need. Today, was my turn to have escort duty and what job was I lucky enough to get? That’s right...I was the gravel dump truck escort. I walked back and forth as the dump trucks entered the base, dropped off their cargo, and returned back to the outside. It actually wasn’t a bad job--nice weather, a little exercise, and a chance to practice my Dari with the locals. Hey and if nothing else, I can at least rest easy tonight knowing that our emergency stash of rocks has been replenished.

By the way, if there are any rock collectors out there...I probably could arrange to find a few for you.

Day 257: The Cleaning Crew

Today as I was driving on the ANA (Afghan National Army) base, I noticed two guys who had been given what was probably considered by them to be an undesirable job. They had been tasked to sweep the whole road...and no, not with a street cleaning vehicle, but rather with an old fashioned broom. I watched these poor guys slowly working their way up the street, creating a dust storm in their wake, only to have the dust settle right back on the road where they were trying to remove it. It seemed like a hopeless cause. How can you remove dust and dirt from a place that is 99% dust and dirt?


Watching these guys work reminded me of one of the jobs I was given...and hated...as a kid. The dreaded job to which I refer here is that of houseplant dust removal. Dusting, I know, it sounds simple, but let me explain further. The plants were not simply dusted with some kind of dusting device. There was no Swiffer plant dusting apparatus in those days (although it’s probably been invented by now). Rather, each individual leaf was thoroughly hand-wiped to remove all traces of dust using a paper towel that had been moistened in a bowl of milk. That’s right, you read correctly, milk was used instead of water in order to moisten each leaf and leave it with a brilliant and shiny finish. I remember spending hour after hour (okay, maybe in reality it was less than hours, but it sure seemed that way to my young mind) cleaning each leaf meticulously. Just when I thought I was finished, another leaf suddenly appeared. It was amazing how many “hidden” leaves could be found in a single plant. Just like sweeping the dusty roads of Afghanistan, this was a job that required patience and perseverance.

Over the past few days, my job has reminded me a lot of sweeping roads and wiping plant leaves. No, I haven’t been put on the camp cleaning crew or assigned to latrine duty...at least not yet. It has just been that my job has seemed to consist of an excessive amount of “busy work.” I have been preparing certificates for my medic students, running around trying to get paperwork signed by others, and sitting at my computer preparing random spreadsheets. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure this isn’t why I went to medical school to become a doctor. Anyway, before this post starts sounding negative or like a list of complaints, let me clarify that things really are fine. Overall, the job is rewarding. Good things are happening. Progress is being made. However, the bottom line is that sometimes in life there are jobs that must be done that aren’t very exciting or glamorous...and right now is one of those times for me. Luckily, I have a wise mother who taught me that sometimes we just have to pull up our sleeves, pull out a bottle of milk, and start cleaning. Thanks mom.

Day 254: Two Good Quotes

Here are two good quotes I read the other day that I thought I would share.

First, Thomas Paine wrote the following during the midst of the Revolutionary War in 1776. Pay attention to the last line especially.

“These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country, but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.”

In our day, President Gordon B. Hinckley, touched on the same idea. He said:

“All of us have problems. We face them every day. How grateful I am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. They keep us young, if that is possible. They keep us alive. They keep us going. They keep us humble. They pull us down to our knees to ask the God of heaven for help in solving them. Be grateful for your problems, and know that somehow there will come a solution.”

As I have mentioned previously in this blog, I have been very blessed in my life. My challenges have been few and my blessings have been many. I know that many of you reading today have faced trials and sorrows far greater than any I have been asked to endure. On a day to day basis, as I interact with the Afghan people, I am humbled as I see first hand the enormous struggles, including war, poverty, and death, that they have faced for so many years.

I am sure that one reason I am on this deployment is to teach me, at least on a small scale, the truth of the above quotations. At times it is hard to be “grateful” for this challenge that has come to me and my family back home. It is easy to think “why me” or wish that it would all just go away. However, I know that someday I will look back on this experience as one that was essential to helping me and my family reach our eternal potential. I often think of a favorite line from the hymn Come, Come, Ye Saints that states, “Why should we think to earn a great reward, if we now shun the fight?” The fight is real. The struggles are often overwhelming. The trials at times seem more than we can bear. However, as Paine taught so long ago, “the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” How grateful I am to know that there is One who knows our souls intimately and understands perfectly our pain. He will lift us up, strengthen us, and ultimately lead us to that great reward that awaits us all.


Today, I saw a rainbow (you have to look closely to see it in the picture) for the first time since arriving in Afghanistan. It came in the midst of what was one of the windiest and stormiest days that I have seen. Kind of a fitting event for today's post.